Excuses

I have been thinking about my past habits in eating, exercising and studying trying to determine what worked for me and what worked against me. In the past I exercised, but not a lot. There was always some excuse. I'm really good at rationalizing. Now I want to face my excuses head-on and find solutions for them.
Here are some of my most frequent excuses:

I'm too tired. Here's what happens: I'll have every intention to exercise, but I'll get caught up in doing everything else under the sun. Oh! Looks like I need to clean out the refrigerator! And more often than not I am genuinely busy and wait and wait and wait until I'm just too tired to exercise.

Solution: Schedule exercise for a time of day when I don't feel too busy or too tired. That sounds easy enough? Probably not for all of us. What is the solution? Make exercise a priority (I'm speaking for myself here too) wake up 45 minutes early and go to the gym, do an exercise dvd or dance to your favorite playlist. I need to write it down and stick it out. I know once it becomes part of my schedule it will become habit.

I can't find any workout clothes. Okay, I know I am totally not alone on this one, but I always feel like every component of my workout gear is in some state of being cleaned, under a pile of clothes, or in the hamper. I need workout pants, t-shirt, shoes, sports bra, socks and ipod (if I'm lucky) to get motivated to exercise. Sometimes I get unmotivated just by knowing it will take 30 minutes to find something.

Solution: Dedicating a drawer to just exercise clothes. This is something I've wanted to do for a very long time and know it could help me a lot. Having all of these items together in one spot would be very beneficial to my sanity and my exercise schedule. Also keep an eye out for sales to buy more workout items. I know I can use more workout clothes but being unemployed right now does not allow for me to run out and buy more. So at this time part of my solution will be to do a load of laundry after working out so the few items I have will be clean.

I'm too busy. I've been guilty of this excuse, mostly because on the days that I am pumped up to exercise, I'm also pumped up to do everything else. And on other days I just have a lot to do, I'm sure I'm not alone. It’s hard sometimes to fit in exercising when you have a crazy busy day. Though I will be graduating shortly I will use school as an example. It was difficult to find motivation to exercise when I just spent 12 hours on campus.

Solution: Facing facts. In recent past I managed to watch the entire series of Ghost Hunters, My Name is Earl, Supernatural and Wicked Attraction. I also watched three seasons of CSI, several episodes of The Big Bang Theory and countless movies on Netflix. I also found time read many non school books, (school books don’t count because I really have to read those), put makeup on, get dressed up, and so many other things that I simply made time for. To say that I was "too busy to exercise" is simply not true. I know I can make the time to do it.

Waiting for the perfect situation. There have been points in my life that I needed perfect weather, the perfect workout shoes, the perfect time slot, a perfect feel-good easy day to exercise. Guess what?

Solution: That day does not exist. How we feel now in this moment about exercise is probably how we'll always feel. I cannot tell you how many times I've mapped out my road to weight loss only to fall short waiting for it to feel right. Waiting for life to be stress-free and slow. In my mind, there was going to be a day when the clouds parted, the angels sang and I'd turn into this super healthy person that bound out of bed at the mere mention of exercise. And all I have to say to myself is “That day will never come. You either do it now or not at all" As my Grandma used to say sh*t or get off the pot.

Start down the road to weight loss

Since my last blog was solely about the bar exam, I decided today’s blog will be about my weight loss. I want to make clear. I'm not my weight. Yes I am fat, yes this is a mental and physical struggle. I have issues with overeating. I want to healthy first, and thin second. I want to move better and prevent future health issues BUT I am still a person. I am still going to participating in life. I have so much more going on in my life that does not involve the size of my dresses. With that said, the trick is going to be in finding balance. I don't want to be one of those women who skips meals, feels guilty for eating dessert once in awhile, worries about every pound, finds self-worth in being thin, is determined by all means to remain under a size two or four or six. I know that even at my thinnest I will always be a plus size and I am ok with that. (I am 5’9” with a large frame). I also do not want to be the woman who secretly binges, is always trying a new diet, is scared of never losing weight, is worried about growing out of size 24 jeans, always worried people don't like me because I'm fat, and over-compensating in other areas of my life to avoid dealing with my weight.

The next thing you should know about me. I love good food, I love recipes, good cooking, ethnic foods, you name it. I actually love to plan meals and grocery shop. And I just cannot for the life of me get on board with eating "diet" food. The notion that some foods are bad and others are not. The question I will have to continually ask myself is: How to make both worlds exist. Eating good food in moderation. I want to eliminate the idea that "diet" anything is the key to weight loss and stop feeling bad for wanting to enjoy food for what it is and should be: delicious nourishment. With that said, I need to cut out the junk. Eat out less, and cook more at home. I will keep a food journal. Initially I will just log the things I normally eat. I will write everything I eat down, and I mean everything, this will make me more aware of what I am and am not eating. The ultimate goal is to be able to make better decisions based on what I am and am not eating

I think the approach to weight loss is that will work best for me is to keep it simple. Watch calories in vs. calories out. I have watched friends and family go on restrictive diets. More often than not it fails and tortures the person in the process. Though I want to lose weight my interest lies ultimately with being healthier and I am a firm believer that happiness is an important part of being healthy. So here is a tentative plan to get started.

High Energy Food that is non-addictive:

Meat: chicken, beef, seafood, pork

Vegetables: All except potatoes

Grains: 100% whole grain pasta, bread and crackers, oatmeal

Beans: All beans and legumes

Fat: olive oil or nut oils

Dairy: Eggs, 1 serving of milk or cheese daily

Nuts: unsalted walnuts or almonds

fruit: 1-2 servings

Low Energy Food:

Refined sugar, flour, starchy, processed carbs or empty calories. 

Flexible day: One day a week of my choosing for eating favorite meals out etc. In order to enjoy this day I must exercise at least 45 minutes. 

Basic rules: Eat high energy foods majority of the time, in the amount of satisfaction. Follow guidelines when eating out unless if is a flexible day of eating. No calorie counting is required, but keeping a food journal is for record keeping. I must weigh in once a week and subtract amount lost from total weight loss goal tally (goal: 130 lbs lost)

Flexible exception: If you choose to eat a low energy food item in moderation IE: one cookie, one serving of potatoes, one white flour roll etc. Add 30 minutes of cardio to the day for each serving consumed.

Exercise plan:

6 days a week of at least 45 minutes of cardio. One day for rest is permitted except for flexible eating day. 1-2 days of strength training.

The Bar

For those who don’t know I thought I would begin today by telling you a little about the bar exam. After having completed three years of legal education at an accredited law school, you must pass the bar exam administered by state bar organizations to have a license to practice law. Each state’s bar exam is unique but almost all states use a two or three-day format. Most states incorporated the Multistate Bar Exam, (MBE) a six-hour, 200 question multiple-choice exam as a component of their test. The MBE is then is followed by a State-specific law, which is often tested on a second day, usually in essay format. So needless to say it is intimidating to even the stoutest of souls.

My first goal in the attempt to pass the bar was to sign up for a bar review course, which meant I had to decide what bar review course to take. This was not an easy decision. There are two major contenders I considered. When trying to decide which to sign up for the first thing I considered was price. Company 1 I locked in the price of 2009 during my 1L year (first year law, to lay persons) but I did not with Company 2. However, Company 1 is always more expensive. Any law student will tell you that money is tight. The average debt for a law student at graduation is $120,000. Thankfully, I am lower than that number. But not by that much so the price tag is definitely a consideration. 

Everyone recommends when taking a bar review course to go to actual classes, though you do have the option of completing an online course. So second, for Company 1 and 2, I investigated the locations and schedules for the courses teaching the bar for my state. All were equally inconvenient, so this did not really help me decide anything other than I will be taking the bar review online. 

A friend helped me make the final decision. She graduated last semester so she took the bar in February and took her bar review from Company 2 because it was less expensive. Through her studying she discovered many errors and inconsistencies in the course. Due to this, I decided to go with Company 1. The bar results were just released for the February exam and 3 extremely intelligent people I know, to my great surprise, did not pass the bar. All took the bar review course with Company 2. This could very well be a false correlation but I would rather not take my chances.

So my bar review course is now locked in, and paid in full. Still having some lingering sticker shock from the price tag. Since I will be taking the bar review course online I have decided financially it makes more sense to close my apartment by school, store my furniture (bless my brother for letting me store my stuff at his house), and fly home to study. (I went to school out of state) This will help lower costs and maybe take a little stress off me because I will be closer to friends and family.

There is a local library exactly 2 miles from my family’s home. My goal is to study everyday at the local library. As I will not have a car on this visit I will have to walk to the library. Partly in consideration of my family, they won’t have to tip-toe around me while studying, and partly because this will help me get some of the exercise I need I will be walking to and from the library everyday.

More goals to come tomorrow :)

A Little About me

I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself.  I'm in the place right before a new chapter of my life is about to unfold. I graduate law school in about a month, I will be taking the bar exam in July and am now hunting for a job at the end of the rainbow. I am in the exciting, scary, gray area when something fantastic is about to unfold, but part of me is terrified I am going to fall flat on my face.

I really began to put on weight when I quit smoking and went back to school. I have officially been a non-smoker for over 4 years now and as I said before I am about to graduate law school. It is time for a new set of goals to go with the new chapter of my life.

I believe in putting thoughts/dreams and goals into writing. (I am a list maker). I've been writing this goal every year since I was in my mid/late 20's. I know I didn't put on this weight over night and it will take sincere effort on my part to take it off. I also know that the bar exam of any state is nothing to scoff at. In fact, is the night terror that has many a law student waking up in a cold sweat. I have had many experiences that  lead me to where I am today and I know I can complete any goal I set my mind to. With effort I'm slowly going to get to a better place emotionally and physically. I will not always weigh close to 300 pounds.

Though I put these thoughts out in the universe, I know I am leading myself down this path. One day, through my hard work I will wake up at a weight that is comfortable and healthy for my body. I know there will be a day when I step on a plane without anxiety of fitting in the seat or a day when I can be adventurous without worry of my weight. I know that when the scores are released for the July bar exam I will have passed.

How will I make this happen? Balance. Knowing I can make the right choices, not over indulge and still enjoy myself. I will find the balance between good for you food and tasty. I will find a balance between studying for the bar exam and fun. No more of that "tomorrow I will be better" stuff. I am in control of my life and my future.

So is there power in knowing? I can't say for sure, but one day my next chapter will be that of an attorney who lost 130 pounds. I don't just believe it, I know it.