AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Studying for the bar is slowly driving me mad. I spend all day studying and yet feel like I have learned absolutely nothing. Actually that is not quite right. I feel like I am slowly getting dumber. On top of that I am having quite the time trying to keep up with the schedule. I just keep telling myself to keep working at it and it will all be over soon.

I told you the other day about my mini freak out. It was about my first practice essay question. To say I did not do well would be putting it nicely. I got my score back today. I was right. I did not do well. Luckily I have some good friends that talked me down from the metaphorical ledge when I was having my moment. I believe her exact words were, "you sucked, so what? You are supposed to suck. If you didn't suck why the hell did you pay like $3000 for a class to get better. You will get better if you just do the course like you are supposed to." I know. Completely logical and obvious advice but sometimes I need someone to remind me of what is right in front of my face.

I am going to sit down and write up and exact schedule to stick to. It is going to SUCK but needs to be done. I am greatly looking forward to the day the bar is over. Though not looking forward to the dread that I just failed the bar exam which I cannot afford to take again that will inevitably set in. As of right now I am keeping my sanity (sort of). Back to studying I go.

Onward we trudge

So taking Sunday off was a mistake. Now I am a little back logged on my bar studies. On the plus side I learned this lesson early on and I am almost caught up. And I have been a good girl and not cut any corners. With that said I have no idea how people work and study for the bar. I could not handle it. I am glad I came home to study. Less things to worry about.

Sorry this is short but running off to see a movie with my brother. Catch you later :)

Beginning the week

I am going to start using my Sundays to sit down and evaluate the past week and prepare for the new week coming. I am going to try to not beat myself up over bad decisions I have made in the past week but rather to learn from them and not repeat the mistake. This applies to study for the bar as well as weight loss.

Last Sunday I imagined where I could be the following Sunday and the work it would take to get there. And while I'm far from a perfect creature and have other non-weight loss responsibilities to improve upon I can totally understand the sentiment "If I can lose weight, I can do anything" and while I haven't mastered weight loss, I'm working on it. OMG! I am fallible! Who knew?? Lol.

I started studying for the bar on May 30. That is part of why I did not keep my promise to write everyday. (I will be better about it, I promise.) The Barbri course is very intense. I have 42 pounds of books to study from and lectures to listen to online 6 days a week. (Which really is more like 7 days a week because on Saturdays are double lecture days. Yesterday I spent 6 hours listening to lecture. That didn't count the other time spent reading and reviewing.) I am not complaining. Well, maybe a little. I just didn't realize how intense the bar review course will be. This is worse than school!

I had a mini meltdown day before yesterday. I had to submit my first graded essay. I followed the instructions to simulate testing settings as much as possible. Regrettably, I ran out of time. I freaked out because I ran out of time and my answer sucked. We have sample answers to compare it to. Thanks to my friends for calming me down and reminding me this was only the first essay and I am supposed to suck. I took the class to get practice in and I will get better with time just like I did with the LSAT. And that it it better to suck now on the practice so I can get better for the real exam. I am not freaking out anymore and I think I have a better perspective on it but I am not going to lie, I am still very intimidated.

Last night I sat down and wrote out every reason I could think of to lose weight (told you I was a list maker). The list has 200 reasons to lose weight and honestly I am sure there are more that were not even thought of. The reason I made this list is to help when motivation is lacking. Sometimes it helps to have why you should do something written down in black and white in front of you, even if you know all the reasons in your head.

In the future I will begin to add my daily food and study journal to my blog and pictures. But for now the food journal is just for me to track. I plan to take measurements once a month and weigh-in once a week. I will not weigh or measure myself more often than that. I don’t want to become numbers driven or drive myself (and you crazy). Fact of life: muscle weighs more than fat. My interest is more in being healthy and in better shape than being thin. If my weight does not go down or maybe goes up, I will consider it a success if my measurements go down.

That being said her is where we are starting at:

 Height:           5’9”    (actually 5'8 and 3/4" if I am being honest)                    weight: 296.5 lbs

Measurements: 

Upper arm: 17.25" (I know this is a weird place to measure but I have had some tops not fit because they did not fit my upper arm in the sleeve)

 Bust: 52"         Waist 45.5"             Hips 55"

Calves: 18.5" (I know another odd one but I have always wanted knee boots but have a hard time find some that fit my calves)

So that is my starting point. I am taking most of today off of studying to decompress, do some chores and go to a family dinner at my Dad's house. I will write more tomorrow.